Thursday, February 24, 2011


     I just watched the Orbiter with Chris and I really like what was said about satisfaction. It is really hard for me to be content with where I am and it seems like I'm always thinking about what's next or what I could have done differently in the past.
     Most of my preoccupation with times outside of the present stems from my desire to make the most of opportunities. But in my attempt to live life fully my mind gets in the way. I look to the past at all the things I wish I had done. I look to the future and worry about missing out. Inevitably I miss the present.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


     So I started to actively participate in church communities and events in the last year or so. Before I was more concerned about my own life to really get involved in others' lives. It's been a pretty cool experience and I can see why God asks us to live life with others rather than going solo.
     That being said I have a bit of a bone to pick with how church culture tends to play itself out. I'm not a fan of the forced feeling that many "fellowship sessions" tend to give off. I understand that if we don't schedule time out to pray and communicate that it probably won't happen; but at the same time I find the best discussions I have with other Christ-followers about the Kingdom happen on their own in a natural setting. Between the many groups and studies I've been attending it's started to feel like a chore.
     Now maybe this is because I'm naturally a little restless and it's hard for me to sit and talk for too long in one place, but sometimes I get tired of all the talking we do. I don't want to sit around and discuss loving others. I want to do it. I don't want to talk for hours about being bold and reaching out. I want to practice it.
     Then again this might just be where I am at the moment. But I really feel like I've been called to throw out all the curriculum and start in on the application.

Friday, February 11, 2011

It's Pretty Frustrating

     I'm gonna apologize in advance for yet another post about sports. They've been a big part of my life. They kept me out of trouble in high school. They taught me about hard work and discipline. It brings me great joy to run around and play. Anything. I just want to play.
     Today was the last day of my physical therapy and I've gone through quite a bit of pain to get healthy and I would say my knees are 80%. I dunked for the first time in almost two years today while helping out with the varsity program at Harbor. It was a pretty joyous moment for me. So when I came down on a girl's foot the next play and went home on crutches with a severe high ankle sprain I was pretty bummed.
     Sure it hurt. Sure its a hassle to get around. But more than anything I'm just plain bummed. I miss being able to play.
     I suppose there's a silver lining in the sense that now I won't be tempted to play for the next few weeks and my knees will finish healing. The Lord knows it would take something this drastic to keep me off the court. Maybe He's using it as a teaching method. I don't know. I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason and I can't see where being upset with Him would help anything. But it really took the wind out of my sails.
     I don't have any deep thoughts or anything powerful to say about the podcasts or our discussions this week. And now that I'm reading over the post it sounds super whiny--so sorry about that. It just feels good to type this stuff out.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Bilateral Patellar Tendonitis

     I've been jumping for as long as I can remember. As a kid I was always trying to touch the top of the doorway. Then it was the ceiling. Then the exit signs at school. The basketball rim. Touching my head to the net. Dunking with a tennis ball. Dunking with a basketball. Jumping was the main reason I chose volleyball as the sport I'd focus on most. Problem is: stretching and warming up wasn't something I liked as much.
      Volleyball plays last maybe seven seconds. As a middle blocker I would jump anywhere from two to six times within that seven seconds. Every jump was 36 inches up and 36 down--right on my knees. Because I didn't stretch and warm up, my quads are now fused to the fibrous tissue that runs the length of my thigh. This inflexibility makes my kneecap track improperly and puts strain on my tendon.
     Now I go to physical therapy twice a week and they use different tools and leverage points to stretch that fibrous band and separate it from my quadriceps. The best way I can describe is like when you have a knot in your shoulders and you have a friend rub it out. Except it's fifty or sixty times worse. But when it's over my legs feel amazing and I find that I am rapidly healing. I should be able to play again in a few weeks.
      What a wonderful analogy for my soul. God draws me near to him. I use His gifts He's given me to a certain extent but I don't take the time to seek Him and invest in our relationship. My spirit contracts a chronic ache; poor decisions cause moments of acute suffering. I go to the Doctor and He calls me out on how I haven't properly cared for what He's given me. Spiritual therapy begins and it sucks, but I come out better each time. Sometimes I slip and "play on it". Doc works me over extra hard next appointment not only to put me back on track but to help the problem.
      Now my soul has a spring in its step again. But it took the pain of therapy to ultimately heal it.